I thought I'd be watching the Macy's Day Parade from my apartment just like Maureen O'Hara.
Seriously. I truly felt this would be my life. So what’s my point in sharing this totally obscure bit of information you ask?
It’s this- Expect deeper joy than you can plan for.
Here’s what I mean: I’ve loved to paint and write for as long as I can remember. Growing up, the only thing that gave me equal joy was spending time with my family and friends at the lake at my grandparents house in the woods. But then something happened. I went to college. Family bonds shifted (aka lots of divorce).
My heart got.... harder. I decided I wanted an easy life. With money. And no kids. Actually, I didn’t really want to be married either. I imagined myself as a carefree, Cosmopolitan-drinking, power suit-wearing Ad exec living in New York City. Shopping and walking and dancing and shopping. That would be my charmed life. To be honest, I never even imagined anyone with me. Ever. Just me and my super impressive existence(and yes, I am now aware of the ridiculous influence Sex & the City had in my little impressionable soul). So what happened next?
He sent me a boy to fall deeply in love with. He gave me a nephew who showed me the life changing gift of simply being with someone you love, even at their last breath. He led me to Tennessee, where I live in a house in the woods near the lake; a home completely made new by my husband (that boy I was talking about) Peter alongside our family and friends.
He sent me two children, both equally incredible and so bizarrely interesting. And as I sit here with my son, whom I love so much, walking through a special year of homeschooling together, while also attempting to balance my life as a working artist, I cant help but laugh. Like really laugh. I mean, I obviously don’t live in New York. I think Cosmos taste like garbage. I shop hardly never. And my dance parties are usually with a 9 year old daughter or friends in their living room. But it’s all so much better than I could have ever come up with. So messy and flawed. . But SO FULL. Of deep deep joy. Selah.